"I thought she was too sensible for that?"
"For what, suicide?"
"Yeah, I mean she was like really smart...I just don't get how she thought that was okay."
I overheard this conversation once, a few years ago now and I was reminded of it this morning as I read an interesting article about a barrister who went from being Mr David Stokes to Ms Heather Stokes.
It got even more interesting when I got to this line:
Not that she would have harmed herself; she is far too sensible for that.
This was the writer's response to Heather's revelation that she didn't know what she would do if she didn't come out and live life as a woman.
News.com.au is not my favourite source of news but occasionally, especially lately for some reason, they have had a few gems. Not well written gems, but interesting stories nonetheless.
I was quite shocked to read this. I understand why people think this way but it shouldn't be promoted.
If you have never experienced that kind of desperation or felt like the only way out is to end it all, then it is easy to think 'Why on earth would they want to die? They had so much to live for, they were so pretty/cute/sensible/loved etc."
Well the thing is, suicidal people don't think like rational people.
The following pattern of thought does not occur to suicidal people: I have this great family, a good job, lots of friends and hey I'm even quite attractive. I won't end my life, I do have too much to live for.
When one is in the depth of despair, whatever the reason, one usually feels very alone no matter how many loved ones they actually have in their life. Sometimes, all the love in the world doesn't permeate the sadness someone feels.
What angered me most about suggesting someone could be too sensible to harm themselves is that it implies all those who have, do or will in the future are not sensible.
No, it's not nice to harm yourself but that doesn't make you stupid. It makes you vulnerable and in need of compassion and help.
Lauren
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